Sunshine Dustin Tran...

August 25, 2009; Tuesday.
"A word is just a word, till you mean what you say"

LOL the first time i saw you, you and randy looked so alike O__O... You guys were both hella dark D:! haha. I told Linda that you were cute (: & she ended up telling you! I was like OH MY GOD but at the same time happy ! She told me that you wanted me to add you on myspace because you were scared i'd reject you haha ! So we started talking on myspace & worked our way up. We were just like anyone else, friends. I would tell you about the guy problems i had... & you'd always help me see things better... you'd show me i could do better. From there i guess my feelings for you grew... I was scared because i didn't know if it was a good thing or a bad thing? I wanted you but then again i didn't... because i knew in the end if something happened we would'nt be the same :/... & you knew it too... So we made a promise that if something ever happened to us & we didn't work out then we'd go back to just good friends(': . So it started... the begging of my worries... I really didn't think we'd end up liking each other... esp the fact we only saw each other once, but i guess it just happened... I thought it was cute how you always wanted to spend time with me (': , you'd always plan out a day/date for us, but i was trying to figure out how i was supose to do this alone with you... So i guess we waited... Ever night we would phone and you'd always end up sleeping first haha. I guess you couldn't stay up as long as me D:! but i didn't care, because it didn't matter what you had or didn't have, what you did or didn't do... I just liked you... To me that's all that mattered... (: i loved how you called me Melissa, because no one else called me that. It was funny how you'd always try and copy what i say & you always said i mubbled and called me mubbler haha. One time you fell asleep on the roof and i was your alarm, haha. When i called you, you sound like a little kid ! I wanted you to sleep but you didn't want to haha so you were like NOOO babe.. it was cute.. :/ You'd always call your dogs puppies, even if they were old -____-" there called dogs ! haha. I loved talking to you (: , either as a friend or someone i liked.. you always knew how to make me smile. & everytime you said my name... i d k why but my heart just jumped, when you called me babe... i started getting butterflies(':, and when you said i love you... to me nothing else mattered... :'/ nothing but you...& i didn't think anything could tear us apart... Until one day we got into a fight... or something like that & it was stupid -___-" because i was just messing around... & you just hung up on me ! Yet i was the one to say sorry ! ... & i guess we just stopped talking like before... i started to miss you... So days later i decided to text you and i said " So are we ever gonna talk?" & you replied " i don't know you tell me" & i said " i asked.. you tell me" & somehow from there we somewhat picked up from were we left off. It started getting a tad bit better. 3 days or so later... you asked me if i still liked you... & i replied yes... and it turned out you still liked me... you said you gained all your feelings back and you liked it. That made me feel so good when you said that! As days went by i guess we started falling apart again... I just started putting more effort then you did... & i felt like i just could'nt do it anymore... and i knew something was wrong... So i confronted you & i asked you if you still liked me and you said " This question again, yes i do" & then i said " then why does it feel like i put more effort then you do?" then he asked me, "do you want to know the truth?" uhhh duh, no i want you to lie to me some more please -____-" & he ended up telling me he was loosing feelings and didn't know why. Some where along the line i knew this was gonna happen... So i didn't let myself get attacthed again to let you break my heart... So i told you to just leave it because i didn't even feel the same... when i still liked you... but what could i do?... you lost feelings... & i thought it was just time to let go... So days past & i guess i started missing you... not as someone i liked but as a friend... I didn't know what to do because you broke your promise... I tried talking to you because i still cared... but i guess you i didn't even matter anymore... if i was dead or alive. I don't know what else to do... i want you back as a friend... but i doubt i'll ever get that again... but if anything i don't regret anything... and never will. But sometimes i wish i could go back... so that we would just stay friends... :/ ... but that's just impossible... So now i'm sitting here blogging about you... I guess it's just time to let go now... Let you go as someone i liked & as a friend... I can't sit here and wait for you anymore... I just can't expect someone i won't have... :'/... I just gotta let go now... i did it once & i can do it again... but the thing is ... do i want to let go ..?